Sunday, November 23, 2008

Marriage: When Less Than Ideal is Good Enough

In an article titled The 'Good Enough' Marriage, Suzanne Wright discusses whether "settling for 'Mr. Good Enough' is better than waiting for the perfect soul mate."

Pretty much from birth, our heads have been filled with thoughts the ideal mate. The Prince Charming on his white steed. The beautiful woman who puts her own needs second to yours. We've all been told to hold out for the Happily Ever After.

But is the fairytale a realistic goal or just another tool designed to frustrate and belittle ourselves? Why do we feel like we have to strive for 100%? Let's be honest, I think most of us fall short most of the time. Our jobs are not perfect, you breath a sigh of relief when your family leaves even though you love them, there's always 5 more pounds to lose no matter how hard you work out. And yet we accept that. But when it comes to choosing a mate, we can never bring ourselves to settle for the 70% person.

Now I can come up with a million reasons why you should strive for perfection, or as close you can get. I recently wrote a list for my friend, detailing all the things I want to know about a person before we start dating. The list was three pages. The longer the relationship, the more it grows.

But am I shortchanging myself? Will I possibly miss out on a great catch because he or she's missing a few items on my list?

And if I demand perfection, that means they have the right to demand it from me. So I've got to find someone who thinks that a woman with a wierd sense of humor, a low tolerance for people, and an aversion to procreation is perfect. Someone who's willing to maintain seperate houses because I like my space. And while they're at it, hire someone to clean because I'm domestically challenged.

Come to think of it, I'm starting to see her point.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Body Temples

I was watching Karen William's comedy special on Logo the other day. Funny woman, by the way. I wish there were more black gay women out and about. But that's a post for another day.

So anyhow, in her act she says (and i'm quoting from memory here) 'They say your body's a temple. But it's not a temple if nobody visits.'

Which got me thinking. As erotica writers, we spend a lot of time in other people's temples (our characters), but do ours get the same kind of treatment? Or even the same quality?

People have a tendency to assume that erotica writers, more than anyone else, write what we do. And so we must be having fabulously kinky sex with dark, handsome strangers in exotic locales. I'm willing to bet for most of us that isn't true.

Still I'm not willing to write off my temple yet. If anybody asks me, temporarily closed pending renovations.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Moments I Despise Being a Writer

1. When I have the idea fully formed and I can see the words in my mind, but they won't come out on on the page, and the more I reach for them, the further they run.

2. When I can't progress past a certain point in a story.

3. When I've edited a piece so many times, but it's still not right and I hate the story, can't stand the characters, and all the parts I was so proud of sound wrong.

4. When I feel like I've regressed and my writing reads like it's my first time picking up a pen.

5. Getting a rejection or a bad critique.

Moments I Love Being a Writer

1. When the words come easily and I don't have to struggle for them

2. When the first draft is complete and for a few moments I have this feeling like 'I am freaking brilliant.' It only goes away once I start editing, but it's nice while it lasts.

3. Getting a story accepted.

4. When someone tells me they like my writing and affirms my brilliance (hey, sometimes you have to toot your own horn.)

Welcome to My Blog

I'm not entirely sure what I want to say yet (I probably should have thought of that before I created a blog), but the page looked so lonely with a post. Which probably says something about the sort of blog this will be.

I wish I could say this will be something thoughtful and intelligent. Most likely it'll just be an outlet for whatever's on my mind.

But, if nothing else, there will be sex.